11 weeks out!!! (But really "11 weeks out???")

In my last post, I went into great length about being addicted to numbers - specifically that I go by the scale to gauge progress. If you haven't read it, you might want to go back and check that one out. It's one of the most honest, candid and poignant posts I've ever made. I stand by it, and will continue to, for as long as I compete.

Back to the point of this blog: Funny story about scale numbers - They'll mess with you.

They mess with me.

You'd think that you if you were contest prepping, then seeing a loss on the scale would be encouraging, reassuring, motivating and (insert entire thesaurus.com list of similar adjectives here). You'd THINK, right? See, that doesn't always work with me. Sure, when I see a scale drop, I get as excited as the next competitor. BUT, if you've read the last 3 blog posts, you'll know that I'm ANYTHING BUT "the next competitor." My head doesn't work like that. I don't think like the average competitor, who just turns on "Contest Prep Mode"/"Beast Mode". I can't. I get from Point A to B via the most convoluted, unique, potentially destructive route. 

You think I'm lying... I'm not. THIS is me.

When it comes to the scale, sometimes I'll see the drop and think, "Hmm... Can I cheat today, rely on my metabolism to not screw me over tomorrow, and just hope I'm in a deficit at the end of the week? I still have 5-6 days to fix it." Do any of you cheat and then just fix it? Do I suck because I think like this?

Merp. How messed up is that?!

If you're still reading, and still shaking your head and wondering why I'm doing this to myself, let me explain:

Read it again. And again. And again until is sinks in, and you find out what YOUR "something" is; the something YOU can't go a day without thinking about. Is it a significant other? A parent? Competing? That picture is me in a nutshell. I'm a "one track mind, Never Say Die, do what you need do to to get it done, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take, epically cliche" person with the heart and soul of a competitor since the first time I stepped on a bodybuilding stage (even if it doesn't currently look like it or sound like it). Who goes through this much emotional and physical turmoil for a sport? Do we all do it, but it manifests differently in each of us? Are my struggles common? Is my breed of competitor less rare than I think? I wouldn't be so honest and open in my blog posts, nor would I let myself get so worked up about this week after week, month after month, if this sport didn't mean the world to me. If this is the sport I wanted to affiliate myself with both professionally and recreationally. THIS is it for me. So when you wonder why I do this to myself, you have your answer.

Taken at 12 weeks out - May 4 2013

May 4 2013

 

No filter. Why not?

In case you haven't been confused enough, let me explain why this week was interesting. I am OCD about recording numbers throughout my contest prep. By "numbers" here, I mean:  Training poundages and Cardio minutes, Macronutrients (carbs, protein, fat), weight, bodyfat and measurements. OCD, I TELL YOU! So for my last prep, from April 27 until October 13 2012, I knew exactly where I stood physically. Every week, from 25 weeks out until show day, I knew what I weighed. So on the eve (it's Friday night) of being 11 weeks out, I can see that if I weigh-in at (or below) 158.4lbs, I will be exactly where I was at 11 weeks out for my LAST show (When people say "Compare yourself to no one else but yourself", I take it literally). Until this point, until tonight, I have LITERALLY been aiming to be exactly where I was at this many weeks out last year. Now, with that said, I would consider this practice detrimental, given that I placed LAST at my show in October. Oops.

I made a bet with myself last week: I said, if I was at or below 158.4 by 11 weeks out, then I wouldn't give up on this prep - I would see it through until the end. There would be no reason to give up because I know I'd AT LEAST come in the same condition I did last year, which isn't bad, but isn't great either. Regardless, the point is, I promised myself I wouldn't bail or give up on the next 11 weeks, and give my entire self over to 77 days of contest prep, as they were meant to be. Do you see how skewed this logic is?! So do I. Don't judge.

Well... it's not Saturday, yet. So cross your fingers for me people, that I'm at (or below) 158.4 tomorrow morning ;) If I'm under, you're going to see some ridiculous changes and blog posts for the next little while. If I'm over, you're not going to see much ;)